"There's something sacred that happens between a parent and a child when the parent says, "Me too!" or shares a personal story that relates to their child's struggle."
From: "Daring Greatly" - Brene Brown
"Shame tells you through the lies of Satan that, you are so bad that there is nothing you'll ever do that is good enough. Everything about you is, bad. You're so bad, you will never have a good attitude, make good choices, because you are just too bad." I explain, while the Lego man is held in the "jail."
"Then," Seth begins to say with thoughtful conviction, "Jesus comes along and breaks the cage open."
In one quick swooping movement my head goes from looking down at the Lego man to a beaming light bulb of blissful joy, as I utter with a full exhale, "Yes!!!" that's exactly right Seth. Lit up with a grin, he smiles back at me as if to say, "You were thinking what I was thinking, weren't you Mommy!" One of our favorite lines to say, often.
"Evil, darkness, lies and sin, Mommy." in a very matter of fact kind of way, replies Seth.
"What happens when Jesus breaks the cage?" I continue, in searching thought.
"Jesus comforts the man, and tells him not to be sad and tells him, "I love you." he replies, in a very childlike faith kind of way.
"How does this make the man feel, Seth?" I ask, in anticipation for the climax of such a conversation.
In the sacred moments of our day, pulling back the curtain is not something that just always comes naturally. And for some, it's the last thought upon their mind. It takes a very intentional, committed and persevering path, paving past the pit stops of our own past mistakes. Mistakes that many times creep along the canvas of our current situation, causing us to carry caverns of shame, for decades.
Shame is something that I have not spent a lot of time, learning. It's something however, that once I began to understand what it is, and isn't...unveiled insight regarding my own, childhood. Thus set me into a place of asking, 'am I passing this on as a parent, now?"
What I haven't told you is that prior to this little theologically based lesson, was that we had one of those moments where the behavior and the sensory collided into a war of the wills.
Seth, has Sensory Processing Disorder. It is a neurological disorder causing difficulty with taking in, processing, and responding to sensory information about the environment and from within the body. Information is registered, interpreted and processed differently by the brain, resulting in tremendous difficulty on every sensory level both externally and internally.
But, it also challenges us as parents to enter that same realm, but on a different plane. A "growing up big" for us, is presented with a full blown body size mirror. Shuttering at the shame that is revealed from our own parents style with us as children, comes into full view. Shattering pieces of glass as our image of what we thought we were, before children comes crashing to the floor in shards of shameful images, more quickly than we might like to admit. I know it did for me.
In another post "His Daughter, My Worth, on my blog titled, Daughter Of The King, I write about a moment where the Holy Spirit posed a thought for me to ponder:
I had no idea how much shame I carried about myself, till I became a parent. And, I had no idea how much it had the power over me to impart that same thing, on my son. Sigh...
However, early on, the Holy Spirit began to speak to me, each and every time my words would even hint toward such a washing. Though I have always committed from the beginning never to use the phrase, "you are a bad boy," or ever calling him bad in anyway, I think sometimes there are cheap subtle shots made in anger, that can still wash ones heart over, with shame. Thus began the journey of, refining.
"Mommy," he says, through quivering tones midst tears, "your song makes me cry. I feel it very deeply, Mommy."
"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you cry. I am singing a song that I have never sung before. This is something that the Holy Spirit just gave me for you. I think that the reason you are crying, is because the depth of where you are feeling this, is in a place only He sees. He wants you to know that it is His presence, touching you, letting you know how much He loves you. Values you. Do you understand?" I asked, as the presence of the sacred sacrament, surrounded us.
He pulled even closer to me. And I...could not believe how naturally that moment in such a sacred song, so unexpected, happened for me, as well.
Just again tonight, I hear Seth say, "Mommy, don't sing that song again, it makes me feel too deeply and I'm afraid I will cry."
"You know what honey...I understand. Did you know that sometimes songs about Jesus make me cry, too? And did you know that He wants you to feel that deep feeling of His love so that, you can know how valuable you are to Him?" I reply, stroking his hair.
"Really?" he replies, in wonderment.
When he heard me say, "a King's Kid," the smile of worth flushed over his face.
"And you know what else? When you get to Heaven, you will be given a crown, filled with beautiful jewels like rocks, and they will be a symbol of all that you have done here to show other's the love of Jesus." I said, in waiting anticipation for his reply.
"Can I play with it, Mommy? Will they be in the shape of snakes? he replied, in longing hope.(Reptiles being his passion right now.)
I smiled at the marveling wonder of his tender heart, the vision he has for all things made for children, as I replied, "I think Jesus will have it be exactly as he knows you will love it."
Laying side by side, he drew as close as he could wrapping his arms around me...and with that fell right to sleep.
Today, I was a fully engaged parent. Today, I sacrificed a bit of myself, so that he would know he was not alone. Today, I felt the tug of shaming cheap shots longing to slither themselves off my lips, in the humanity of who I am. The temptation to run from the endurance needed to withstand a "battle," for the sake of my uncomfortable, inconvenienced lesson in self-control. Temptation to run from "growing up into maturity" and building character in Seth, in exchange for less momentary pain.
I know, I did it imperfectly. I know, I did it with vulnerability. And yes, it was quite messy.
"There's something sacred that happens between a parent and a child when the parent says, "Me too!" or shares a personal story that relates to their child's struggle." as Brene Brown so aptly writes it.
Why?
Because, to be fully engaged, is to bring a sacrifice. To bring a sacrifice, is to bring something holy. Something, sacred. And to be a parent, means to "Dare Greatly".
Our children, do.
My son, does.
And you can, too.
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